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and the woman fled into the wilderness

where she has a place prepared by God

so that there she can be nourished

[revelation 12:6]
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me: all the dudes on my crew are goofy looking.

anne: don't worry. give it a few days in the middle of nowhere and they all start looking pretty good.

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there's something about being outside all the time. i forget to brush my teeth and i wake up at the same time every day, early, even though all the machinery that usually wakes me up is off. while i sleep, my hands and feet go numb because my muscles are swelling and the blood circulates there instead, bypassing my extremities. in the moment just after i wake up i feel like i don't have hands or feet at all. like my body is streamlining too.

i used to feel uninvited in my skin. now i feel good, like i am beautiful. i feel like i look how i was always going to look, like i don't have to create myself anymore, like i just am. i crawl out of my tent in the morning, my hair stiff with dirt and oil, my eyelashes straight and unremarkable, my eyebrows sparse, and there i am. i can look people in the eye now. the predawn dark is a great equalizer.