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anonymous girl: and it all happened because i usually get drunk before i get a bikini wax.

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I want to learn more about microconsignment, make my own ice cream, learn to love the cold. I want to join the Peace Corps, invest in stocks, read the Bible from cover to cover, all the blood, all the gory, ask my questions, know what I believe, not be scared. I want to learn sign language, find a good pair of moccasins, build muscle all over my body so I can lift things up instead of always putting them down.
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I want to buy a truck, pile blankets in the back, learn how to take a photo that I'll want in thirty years. I want to play my guitar again, turn an old TV set into an aquarium, make a list of every person I remember meeting ever. I want to work as a whitewater rafting guide, live somewhere with a clothesline, create my own line of metal sculpture (Iron Maiden) and sell it in the back of a Mexican food restaurant.
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I want to be honest, look people in the eye, touch them when I'm talking to them. I want to learn to stop worrying that I'm not enough, that I don't look like everyone else or have the same friends as everyone else or want the same things as everyone else. I want to make people feel good in their skin. I want to beat the world record for holding my breath, even if I never tell a soul.
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When I was younger I realized in stages that my ribcage was big. Weirdly big, always bigger than the girls I hung out with or worked with. We would be trying on clothes, and I could never zip up the dress over my ribs, even if a girl my size had just tried it on. For a long time it just confirmed what I secretly believed to be true, that I was fat.
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But one day I was reading, and a voice in my head said, conversationally, Maybe it's because you have big lungs, a big heart. You ever think of that?
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No, I hadn't. But one thing I don't want to do anymore is try to fit inside things that are too small for me.